There will be a little more variety once we start rotating the crops, which will help with the soil, as well. Having more variety safeguards against disease and pests, too, but with Terra augmented able to shorten the growing period significantly, that's going to limit losses from those factors. It's hard for a crop to fail if we've already harvested it.
[He stops speaking long enough to try some of the food. The meal is perfectly cooked, and just to Tighnari's tastes.] Thank you, this is delicious. [But... his eyes linger on that finger, or, rather, lack of finger. Perhaps...] Even as it gets closer to winter I can't imagine the growth slowing down too much. It might be more difficult to stop growing where Terra are concerned.
[Dedue hums and nods. He knows more about growing individual plants than growing at a large scale like a farm, so he'll just defer to Tighnari's expertise there.
A small smile forms as Tighnari thanks him for the meal.]
I'm glad you like it.
[He has a catalogue of the tastes of every person he cares for in his mind, even his friends back in Fódlan.]
Many plants go dormant in the winter. You do not expect this to be true for terra-types?
Not entirely. If that was all it took, things under Kelesis wouldn't have become so dire. Though difficult to know precisely, [Patho-Gen didn't keep to a strict timetable while holding them prisoner,] it took three days or thereabouts for this to grow back. [He wiggles the fingers of his plant arm.] And it's hardly spring when growth for most of my flora is at its peak.
[Which brings him around to...] Have you thought more about my suggestion? I'd like to do it as soon as possible, before winter arrives. [There's a tiny bit of untruth to that. He would have no problem doing it in mid-winter, but he suspects Dedue might, and that would leave him down a finger for even longer.]
[He'd been aghast to learn that Tighnari lost his arm in the experiments. Even if it grew back, and even though Dedue had lost something himself, it was still horrifying to him and made him quite upset for his friend. He frowns at the reminder of it, then looks down at his own hand.
Tighnari wants to give him a new finger of plant matter, and that would be fine if it didn't involve Tighnari mutilating himself. As normal and casual as that may be to a terra-type, Dedue can't get past the idea of the other man harming himself.]
I... Would want to know more detail about the process. Mainly whether it would cause you any pain, and how it would work.
Most plants benefit from pruning. [Which he knows Dedue is aware of.] And I don't feel pain in quite the same manner these days, not in this arm. [Again, he wiggles his regrown fingers.
Then, he takes Dedue's hand, gently lifting the piece of cutlery from his fingers so he can turn it over and match his pinky up against Dedue's bandage.] I want to.
[He sighs a little. He's not entirely reassured or convinced. Pruning, for Tighnari, would be removing parts that are not of use to him, to conserve his energy. A digit on the hand is not superfluous. And not feeling pain in the same manner isn't the same as not feeling it.]
I can get by without it, Tighnari. I will be fine.
[Despite it being dinner time, Dimitri makes his way to the common rooms with a yawn and a stretch, having just woken up from a late afternoon nap, which had become all but a daily routine at this point. It was probably for the best that he was getting some sleep during the day, as he found himself more awake than ever once the sun sank. And, as usual, he's ravenously hungry, already positive he can smell some kind of delicious meat cooking in the kitchens.
He makes his way into the common room, easily spotting Dedue from across the room, though he doesn't recognize his friend. He decides he'll swing by the table and politely introduce himself, but only after he's grabbed a steak or two.
However, his gaze lingers on Dedue, travels down to the table the two are sitting at, curious at first as to what they'd gotten to eat. It takes him a moment, a long moment, for everything to sink in. What he sees are the two of them leaning in close, talking, smiling, hands intertwined. While he's far too hungry to completely abandon his need for food, he quickly grabs a plate and a steak and tries to make a quick retreat back to his room, his heart racing for some reason, and his thoughts racing almost as fast. Why should he even be bothered? If Dedue had found someone he felt close to here, that was a good thing... wasn't it? He should be happy for him. He was happy for him.]
[There's plenty of awareness that his Natural Soul has given Tighnari, but it's his excellent hearing, a gift from the Valuka Shuna, that catches the pause in Dimitri's steps. Tighnari grabs Dedue's hand — his muscles tensing in case he needs to pulls Dedue after him when he runs — as one ear swivels in Dimitri's direction. His sense for being observed telling him that it is them being watched. The person doesn't feel hostile, but that doesn't mean they're safe either.]
[Something catches Tighnari's attention, and Dedue looks up. His eyes instantly lock on the tall blonde man. Dedue watches as Dimitri scurries to get his food. When he turns around again, Dedue waves to invite him to sit with them.
His liege doesn't sit with them. He looks harried, avoiding Dedue's gaze.
Dedue's brow furrows, and he frowns. He looks down at Tighnari's hand holding his.]
That is Dimitri. Something is wrong. Would you excuse me? My apologies. I need to check on him.
Of course. [He squeezes Dedue's hand before withdrawing.] Think about the finger? [He hesitates, words on the tip of his tongue. But he swallows them, and uses different ones instead.] Good luck.
[He squeezes Tighnari's hand in return before standing.]
Thank you.
[He bows slightly, feeling guilty to leave Tighnari when he had specifically invited him for dinner, but he reassures himself that there is still plenty of food there for Tighnari to eat, even in his absence.
He marches briskly in Dimitri's direction, catching him waiting for the elevator.]
[To Dimitri's credit, he genuinely misses Dedue's wave, having made up his mind to simply make his way to the kitchen, grab what he wanted, and leave. No need to disturb anybody else. He should've known better than to think he could sneak by Dedue without notice, but he'd honestly just wanted to give the pair privacy.
He almost jumps a little when he hears Dedue call after him, ears swiveling. He turns, expecting Dedue's friend to be at his side, but he isn't. He glances back toward the dining room, forcing a faint smile.]
Oh, Dedue. [While he can pretend as though he hadn't seen him, he can't quite bring himself to flat out lie.] I'm fine. Hungry. I was just going to take it back to my room. Please, if you were already busy eating, please don't let me interrupt!
[He could have sworn he saw Dimitri looking at them, yet he pretends he didn't see him... He'd possibly think he was misinterpreting the situation, but he knows Dimitri like the back of his hand, and can tell he's upset by something.]
You are of course welcome to eat with us... But something is wrong.
[It's a simple declaration, because he is certain.]
[He ventures carefully, though he's conflicted as to whether or not he truly wants to learn more.]
I wouldn't want to impose. If you're supping with somebody, please, return to them.
[Unfortunately, for Dimitri, the ears are still new and tend to display his emotions far more than he realizes. They once again swivel, this time backward, anxious. He still can't quite put his finger on why he's bothered at all. If Dedue has found something that makes him happy, then he's happy for him. That's all there should be to it.]
[More than that, perhaps, a little. But Dedue has attempted to keep things platonic.
Dimitri is acting strange. The way he's pushing Dedue away more aggressively than usual, and his ears are turning back, it almost seems as though he is... Jealous? No, that can't be. He's scarcely ever seen the prince jealous, and definitely not over Dedue, of all people.]
I do not want to leave you if you are unwell or upset. Tighnari understands.
[Tighnari. It's not someone he's met, or come across before. At least, not to his knowledge. He realizes he's glaring back in the direction of the table the two had been sat at and clears his throat, feeling foolish.]
I'm not unwell or upset. Merely hungry. [He's going for casual, but his tone comes off more curt and short than intended.]
Please. I didn't mean to interrupt. And it... [He swallows down a strange lump in his throat.]- it looks romantic. You shouldn't keep them waiting. [He forces an empty smile, trying to be encouraging, but suddenly his appetite is gone.]
[His brow furrows. Oh, so this is jealousy. Dedue feels a mixture of confusion and guilt. His heart has strayed, and now Dimitri is finding out. It seems that the perceived 'romance' is the problem, which means... Well, does that mean Dimitri returns his feelings? Or does he simply not want Dedue to feel that way for anyone so that he will not devote himself elsewhere? The prince has never been jealous before, of any of his friends at the academy, so the latter does not seem like him.]
You are my top priority, and we need to talk. Will you allow me into your room while you eat?
[He presses the elevator button. It's possible that Dimitri's hunger is worsening his mood, so he'd like for him to do that. But he's firm in his request; he clearly has put this conversation off for too long.]
[His ears pin back harder as he frowns, genuinely conflicted. While he can't deny that seeing Dedue holding hands with someone -somone else- had rattled him, he also knew he should be happy for him. He should be. More than anyone, Dedue deserved to be happy... and loved. And if he'd found that, he should be happy.
He lets a breath go that he hadn't realized he was holding, a frustrated, quiet, and resigned huff as Dedue insists he join him. He doubts telling Dedue 'no' is really an option here.]
Very well... [He steps into the elevator and the doors close, resulting in an uncomfortable couple of seconds as it moves up to his floor. He can't remember ever feeling this way around Dedue. The man practically knew him better than he knew himself. But right now, he felt adrift somehow. His room isn't far from the elevator and he pushes the door open and waits for Dedue, still looking nonplussed. He sets the plate down, appetite gone, but maybe he'd want it later.]
[He follows Dimitri into the elevator, a pit of nervousness forming in his stomach as the doors close. More than nervousness, actually: fear, dread. Dimitri is unhappy with him, and Dedue cannot get a proper read on why. His mind races, as much as a golem's mind can, trying to think of what he's going to say, and how he's going to say it. If he confesses his love for Dimitri, he will risk their friendship. But if he stays quiet about it, and lets himself love someone else, he could hurt Dimitri irreparably.
In either scenario, there is a risk of losing Dimitri, the person he has lived for these past ten years, and that is his worst fear.
By the time he sits down on his friend's bed, fists balled up tensely in his lap, he feels as though he might clam up for the rest of the evening, forgo any hard conversation and just try to just forget any of this had happened.
But that would be cowardly. A knight should be honourable and act with integrity, accountability.]
I have not been completely honest with you. I must apologize, but I was afraid. I did not want to make you uncomfortable or risk our friendship. It is clear to me now that I have waited too long to tell you.
[His brow is furrowed, and his gaze could burn a hole through the shoddy rug on the floor. Perhaps Dimitri could guess what he is about to say, but the words still feel stuck in his mouth, his teeth a door barring them in.]
I... I harbour feelings for you, Dimitri. I have for quite some time. I understand you likely do not return them, but I had to tell you. You need not feel any oblgiation to me pertaining to this. I will remain devoted to you, no matter what.
[He feels shame. He feels dread. He feels dishonourable.]
You I really don't expect you to confide in me anytime you meet someone and... and develop feelings, Dedue. [He interrupts, talking over him as Dedue begins, clearly jumping to quite a few conclusions and none of them involve Dedue's feelings for him.] In fact, I'm happy for you. Truly. This place is a new start, there's no reason why you should not-
[He then looks up and sees Dedue. Actually sees him. He pauses, mouth still open, everything, this talk, how Dedue feels, it all hits him in a rush. And then Dedue says the words. It takes Dimitri a long moment to recover, shocked, overwhelmed by emotion, confused. His thoughts rush through so many things, but eventually come back to seeing Dedue and Tighnari's hands.]
Are... you sure? You and Tighnari looked... close.
[This... Was really and truly not how he had expected this conversation to go. He thought he would confess, and Dimitri would gently let him down, and then he would bury his heartbreak and do his best to go on as before. He dared not hope for a better outcome.
But now there are others involved, more than just the two of them, and that complicates things. It makes the conversation... More about Tighnari than about the two of them. Though, Tighnari is part the reason he's confessing now and not... Three years from now, or possibly never.]
He has romantic and sexual interest in me, he has told me. I told him that my heart belongs to you, and I could not betray you. I have shared some platonic intimacies with him and some others, because the imprint is helpful for both parties, and because... Because there are people I have come to care for.
I did not intend to hurt you. I am deeply sorry. It seems my heart has strayed from you in our time here, and I am deeply ashamed of that. Should you desire it, I would shirk all others and devote it entirely to you.
[It really isn't about Tighnari. Tighnari is a confusing wrench thrown into things, an additional complication, but it's also an excuse to buy Dimitri just a little more time to try to work through the flood of feelings he's suddenly trying to sort through. Years worth of feelings that he'd thus far kept successfully locked away, dammed up.
And Dedue... Dedue you sometimes couldn't get more than five words out of, was saying so, so much. Apologies, promises. It's making his head spin.]
No... No.
[He reaches out to take Dedue's hand, needing the connection and hoping it will help ground them both.]
First off, you have nothing to apologize for. As usual. [He gives him a soft, fond smile, voice quiet and calm. This was the easy part. The part where he didn't have to confront his own feelings and the anxieties that tied them in knots.] You haven't strayed from me. You are not some thing that is mine and mine alone to keep. You are free to do as you like and nothing brings me more joy than knowing that you are forming deeper bonds with those we find ourselves here with. I warms my heart to know you're making friends.
[And that brings them right back up against the edge of the somewhat blurry line between friendship and something more.]
Losing you... It shattered me. Without you, I felt like an empty husk, cursed to continue living. I love you. I have loved you.
But -[He pauses, slowly building up the courage and the right words.] I think... it was that day... on the bridge... when you returned. I think that's when I realized. [He'd wanted to kiss him, to hold him and never let go. The sight of Dedue riding toward them had been the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.] But, I didn't think you-
[He swallows thickly, his attempt to gather his thoughts and clearly articulate his feelings had failed miserably. He looks at Dedue again, studying his face.] You're sure? However you feel, there is nothing you could do or say that would make you any less dear to me. So, please, do not let those unfounded fears sway your heart.
I am loath to admit that I think I have developed some romantic feelings for... Two of those friends. That is what I feel most guilty for.
[It is an inconvenient truth, one that seems to cheapen his feelings for Dimitri, especially in this moment of confession. All the same, he must be honest. He wishes his affections were singular, as it would be simpler, and his devotion would feel stronger. Even back in the academy, there was Ashe, there was Mercedes and even Sylvain, people he cared so deeply for that it seemed to transcend traditional ideas of 'friendship' and become something more. Here, it is the same, and these feelings just sort of... Happened to him. He feels terrible about it, like he is hurting all three of them at once.
But he appreciates Dimitri telling him he is not a thing, especially in light of how dehumanized he felt in the experiments, and how the townsfolk are beginnning to treat him now that he shows signs of a golem soul.
And then... He goes to to say he loves Dedue. He finally looks up at Dimitri, astonished. His mind immediately betrays him, planting doubt, of course. Perhaps Dimitri only loves him as a friend.
But he says he realized it on the bridge. After believing Dedue was dead, and seeing him alive after all.]
Perhaps I have always felt this way, to some degree, but I only began to accept it recently. I love you so much it aches. It makes me ill. I assumed you would never... Never return these feelings, and that I would only ruin our friendship by telling you, so I kept them inside, but it has eaten at me.
[Even now, there is strife in his tone, his throat tight, his fists still clenched. He still can't allow himself to believe that Dimitri feels the same. His stubborn mind is always full of denial, because in his mind no one could feel that way for him, least of all someone as wonderful and beautiful as Dimitri. Dedue simply thinks of himself as... Nothing. Worthless. Contending with others' feelings for him has been difficult, to say the least, as they go against that strongly held belief.]
I am certain. That to hold you in my arms and call you mine, as well as being yours, would be the happiest moment of my life. But I... I would never presume to be entitled to such a thing.
[Conflicting emotions once again pass across Dimitri's face. Romantic feelings for two other friends... On the one hand, he doesn't want Dedue to feel guilty, on the other, however, he feels a rising sense of possessiveness and jealousy.
He also just can't imagine developing feelings for anyone else. It's difficult enough making friends let alone opening up enough to genuinely connect with someone on a deeper level.]
So much that it... aches? [All of this is so difficult to process. It's all so much.
Maybe it's the overwhelming mix of emotions, but he thinks through what Dedue says. How he'd felt this way for some time but thought Dimitri wouldn't reciprocate. All the while he'd felt the same. It's... He can't help but laugh. It's a quiet, incredulous little chuckle, but it's certainly a laugh.
'Entitled to such a thing'.] Dedue... of course you are. [He shifts, moving closer so he can wrap his arms around Dedue, burying his face in his chest. He doesn't trust himself to say the right thing here. Honestly, he doesn't know how to even start navigating half of what Dedue has said, but this is safe.]
I thought... I thought I alone harbored these feelings. I did not want you to feel unduly obligated. It is a relief to know you feel the same. [He tilts his head and moves just enough so he can look up at Dedue.] I don't know... what- how-
[Dedue is surprised by how quickly he has made friends, and how quickly those friendships have opened themselves up into deeper connections. Without the misconceptions of Duscur following him around here, people have been much quicker to call him a friend, and that has been... Nice, if incredibly strange.
But he meant it when he said he would shirk all others if it meant he could have Dimitri.
He nods. Dimitri says of course he is entitled to such a thing, and it makes no sense. He can't wrap his head around any of this, until—
Dimitri hugs him, and there's a wave of relief that washes through him. Dedue instinctively wraps his arms over his liege, feeling that age-old desire to protect him from the world, from every hurt that could befall his heart. Their imprint sinks in, but he knows that even without it, this would feel so... Right.
As Dimitri looks up at him, the gaze of that icy blue eye into his own is so bright he can barely meet it, like looking directly into the sun. Dimitri is so beautiful that his heart breaks, even as they hold each other and confess their love.
He ducks his head to press their foreheads together, and closes his eyes.]
Don't speak. [More words will not help them understand. But for good measure:]
I love you, Dimitri. I always have, and I always will, until the day I die, and into the afterlife.
[It's a promise that is easy to make. Since they met, he has imagined his grave next to Dimitri's.
He cups the side of Dimitri's face and presses their lips together firmly. He cannot believe he is doing this, and yet, he must.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meanwhile in icie thinks too much about plants tags...
[He stops speaking long enough to try some of the food. The meal is perfectly cooked, and just to Tighnari's tastes.] Thank you, this is delicious. [But... his eyes linger on that finger, or, rather, lack of finger. Perhaps...] Even as it gets closer to winter I can't imagine the growth slowing down too much. It might be more difficult to stop growing where Terra are concerned.
at least you're playing the right guy
A small smile forms as Tighnari thanks him for the meal.]
I'm glad you like it.
[He has a catalogue of the tastes of every person he cares for in his mind, even his friends back in Fódlan.]
Many plants go dormant in the winter. You do not expect this to be true for terra-types?
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[Which brings him around to...] Have you thought more about my suggestion? I'd like to do it as soon as possible, before winter arrives. [There's a tiny bit of untruth to that. He would have no problem doing it in mid-winter, but he suspects Dedue might, and that would leave him down a finger for even longer.]
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Tighnari wants to give him a new finger of plant matter, and that would be fine if it didn't involve Tighnari mutilating himself. As normal and casual as that may be to a terra-type, Dedue can't get past the idea of the other man harming himself.]
I... Would want to know more detail about the process. Mainly whether it would cause you any pain, and how it would work.
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Then, he takes Dedue's hand, gently lifting the piece of cutlery from his fingers so he can turn it over and match his pinky up against Dedue's bandage.] I want to.
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I can get by without it, Tighnari. I will be fine.
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He makes his way into the common room, easily spotting Dedue from across the room, though he doesn't recognize his friend. He decides he'll swing by the table and politely introduce himself, but only after he's grabbed a steak or two.
However, his gaze lingers on Dedue, travels down to the table the two are sitting at, curious at first as to what they'd gotten to eat. It takes him a moment, a long moment, for everything to sink in. What he sees are the two of them leaning in close, talking, smiling, hands intertwined. While he's far too hungry to completely abandon his need for food, he quickly grabs a plate and a steak and tries to make a quick retreat back to his room, his heart racing for some reason, and his thoughts racing almost as fast. Why should he even be bothered? If Dedue had found someone he felt close to here, that was a good thing... wasn't it? He should be happy for him. He was happy for him.]
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Dedue...
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His liege doesn't sit with them. He looks harried, avoiding Dedue's gaze.
Dedue's brow furrows, and he frowns. He looks down at Tighnari's hand holding his.]
That is Dimitri. Something is wrong. Would you excuse me? My apologies. I need to check on him.
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[He squeezes Tighnari's hand in return before standing.]
Thank you.
[He bows slightly, feeling guilty to leave Tighnari when he had specifically invited him for dinner, but he reassures himself that there is still plenty of food there for Tighnari to eat, even in his absence.
He marches briskly in Dimitri's direction, catching him waiting for the elevator.]
Dimitri. Are you all right?
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He almost jumps a little when he hears Dedue call after him, ears swiveling. He turns, expecting Dedue's friend to be at his side, but he isn't. He glances back toward the dining room, forcing a faint smile.]
Oh, Dedue. [While he can pretend as though he hadn't seen him, he can't quite bring himself to flat out lie.] I'm fine. Hungry. I was just going to take it back to my room. Please, if you were already busy eating, please don't let me interrupt!
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You are of course welcome to eat with us... But something is wrong.
[It's a simple declaration, because he is certain.]
I excused myself. Do not worry about that.
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[He ventures carefully, though he's conflicted as to whether or not he truly wants to learn more.]
I wouldn't want to impose. If you're supping with somebody, please, return to them.
[Unfortunately, for Dimitri, the ears are still new and tend to display his emotions far more than he realizes. They once again swivel, this time backward, anxious. He still can't quite put his finger on why he's bothered at all. If Dedue has found something that makes him happy, then he's happy for him. That's all there should be to it.]
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[More than that, perhaps, a little. But Dedue has attempted to keep things platonic.
Dimitri is acting strange. The way he's pushing Dedue away more aggressively than usual, and his ears are turning back, it almost seems as though he is... Jealous? No, that can't be. He's scarcely ever seen the prince jealous, and definitely not over Dedue, of all people.]
I do not want to leave you if you are unwell or upset. Tighnari understands.
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I'm not unwell or upset. Merely hungry. [He's going for casual, but his tone comes off more curt and short than intended.]
Please. I didn't mean to interrupt. And it... [He swallows down a strange lump in his throat.]- it looks romantic. You shouldn't keep them waiting. [He forces an empty smile, trying to be encouraging, but suddenly his appetite is gone.]
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[His brow furrows. Oh, so this is jealousy. Dedue feels a mixture of confusion and guilt. His heart has strayed, and now Dimitri is finding out. It seems that the perceived 'romance' is the problem, which means... Well, does that mean Dimitri returns his feelings? Or does he simply not want Dedue to feel that way for anyone so that he will not devote himself elsewhere? The prince has never been jealous before, of any of his friends at the academy, so the latter does not seem like him.]
You are my top priority, and we need to talk. Will you allow me into your room while you eat?
[He presses the elevator button. It's possible that Dimitri's hunger is worsening his mood, so he'd like for him to do that. But he's firm in his request; he clearly has put this conversation off for too long.]
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He lets a breath go that he hadn't realized he was holding, a frustrated, quiet, and resigned huff as Dedue insists he join him. He doubts telling Dedue 'no' is really an option here.]
Very well... [He steps into the elevator and the doors close, resulting in an uncomfortable couple of seconds as it moves up to his floor. He can't remember ever feeling this way around Dedue. The man practically knew him better than he knew himself. But right now, he felt adrift somehow. His room isn't far from the elevator and he pushes the door open and waits for Dedue, still looking nonplussed. He sets the plate down, appetite gone, but maybe he'd want it later.]
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In either scenario, there is a risk of losing Dimitri, the person he has lived for these past ten years, and that is his worst fear.
By the time he sits down on his friend's bed, fists balled up tensely in his lap, he feels as though he might clam up for the rest of the evening, forgo any hard conversation and just try to just forget any of this had happened.
But that would be cowardly. A knight should be honourable and act with integrity, accountability.]
I have not been completely honest with you. I must apologize, but I was afraid. I did not want to make you uncomfortable or risk our friendship. It is clear to me now that I have waited too long to tell you.
[His brow is furrowed, and his gaze could burn a hole through the shoddy rug on the floor. Perhaps Dimitri could guess what he is about to say, but the words still feel stuck in his mouth, his teeth a door barring them in.]
I... I harbour feelings for you, Dimitri. I have for quite some time. I understand you likely do not return them, but I had to tell you. You need not feel any oblgiation to me pertaining to this. I will remain devoted to you, no matter what.
[He feels shame. He feels dread. He feels dishonourable.]
Unless, of course, you ordered me not to.
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[He then looks up and sees Dedue. Actually sees him. He pauses, mouth still open, everything, this talk, how Dedue feels, it all hits him in a rush. And then Dedue says the words. It takes Dimitri a long moment to recover, shocked, overwhelmed by emotion, confused. His thoughts rush through so many things, but eventually come back to seeing Dedue and Tighnari's hands.]
Are... you sure? You and Tighnari looked... close.
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But now there are others involved, more than just the two of them, and that complicates things. It makes the conversation... More about Tighnari than about the two of them. Though, Tighnari is part the reason he's confessing now and not... Three years from now, or possibly never.]
He has romantic and sexual interest in me, he has told me. I told him that my heart belongs to you, and I could not betray you. I have shared some platonic intimacies with him and some others, because the imprint is helpful for both parties, and because... Because there are people I have come to care for.
I did not intend to hurt you. I am deeply sorry. It seems my heart has strayed from you in our time here, and I am deeply ashamed of that. Should you desire it, I would shirk all others and devote it entirely to you.
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And Dedue... Dedue you sometimes couldn't get more than five words out of, was saying so, so much. Apologies, promises. It's making his head spin.]
No... No.
[He reaches out to take Dedue's hand, needing the connection and hoping it will help ground them both.]
First off, you have nothing to apologize for. As usual. [He gives him a soft, fond smile, voice quiet and calm. This was the easy part. The part where he didn't have to confront his own feelings and the anxieties that tied them in knots.] You haven't strayed from me. You are not some thing that is mine and mine alone to keep. You are free to do as you like and nothing brings me more joy than knowing that you are forming deeper bonds with those we find ourselves here with. I warms my heart to know you're making friends.
[And that brings them right back up against the edge of the somewhat blurry line between friendship and something more.]
Losing you... It shattered me. Without you, I felt like an empty husk, cursed to continue living. I love you. I have loved you.
But -[He pauses, slowly building up the courage and the right words.] I think... it was that day... on the bridge... when you returned. I think that's when I realized. [He'd wanted to kiss him, to hold him and never let go. The sight of Dedue riding toward them had been the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.] But, I didn't think you-
[He swallows thickly, his attempt to gather his thoughts and clearly articulate his feelings had failed miserably. He looks at Dedue again, studying his face.] You're sure? However you feel, there is nothing you could do or say that would make you any less dear to me. So, please, do not let those unfounded fears sway your heart.
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[It is an inconvenient truth, one that seems to cheapen his feelings for Dimitri, especially in this moment of confession. All the same, he must be honest. He wishes his affections were singular, as it would be simpler, and his devotion would feel stronger. Even back in the academy, there was Ashe, there was Mercedes and even Sylvain, people he cared so deeply for that it seemed to transcend traditional ideas of 'friendship' and become something more. Here, it is the same, and these feelings just sort of... Happened to him. He feels terrible about it, like he is hurting all three of them at once.
But he appreciates Dimitri telling him he is not a thing, especially in light of how dehumanized he felt in the experiments, and how the townsfolk are beginnning to treat him now that he shows signs of a golem soul.
And then... He goes to to say he loves Dedue. He finally looks up at Dimitri, astonished. His mind immediately betrays him, planting doubt, of course. Perhaps Dimitri only loves him as a friend.
But he says he realized it on the bridge. After believing Dedue was dead, and seeing him alive after all.]
Perhaps I have always felt this way, to some degree, but I only began to accept it recently. I love you so much it aches. It makes me ill. I assumed you would never... Never return these feelings, and that I would only ruin our friendship by telling you, so I kept them inside, but it has eaten at me.
[Even now, there is strife in his tone, his throat tight, his fists still clenched. He still can't allow himself to believe that Dimitri feels the same. His stubborn mind is always full of denial, because in his mind no one could feel that way for him, least of all someone as wonderful and beautiful as Dimitri. Dedue simply thinks of himself as... Nothing. Worthless. Contending with others' feelings for him has been difficult, to say the least, as they go against that strongly held belief.]
I am certain. That to hold you in my arms and call you mine, as well as being yours, would be the happiest moment of my life. But I... I would never presume to be entitled to such a thing.
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He also just can't imagine developing feelings for anyone else. It's difficult enough making friends let alone opening up enough to genuinely connect with someone on a deeper level.]
So much that it... aches? [All of this is so difficult to process. It's all so much.
Maybe it's the overwhelming mix of emotions, but he thinks through what Dedue says. How he'd felt this way for some time but thought Dimitri wouldn't reciprocate. All the while he'd felt the same. It's... He can't help but laugh. It's a quiet, incredulous little chuckle, but it's certainly a laugh.
'Entitled to such a thing'.] Dedue... of course you are. [He shifts, moving closer so he can wrap his arms around Dedue, burying his face in his chest. He doesn't trust himself to say the right thing here. Honestly, he doesn't know how to even start navigating half of what Dedue has said, but this is safe.]
I thought... I thought I alone harbored these feelings. I did not want you to feel unduly obligated. It is a relief to know you feel the same. [He tilts his head and moves just enough so he can look up at Dedue.] I don't know... what- how-
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But he meant it when he said he would shirk all others if it meant he could have Dimitri.
He nods. Dimitri says of course he is entitled to such a thing, and it makes no sense. He can't wrap his head around any of this, until—
Dimitri hugs him, and there's a wave of relief that washes through him. Dedue instinctively wraps his arms over his liege, feeling that age-old desire to protect him from the world, from every hurt that could befall his heart. Their imprint sinks in, but he knows that even without it, this would feel so... Right.
As Dimitri looks up at him, the gaze of that icy blue eye into his own is so bright he can barely meet it, like looking directly into the sun. Dimitri is so beautiful that his heart breaks, even as they hold each other and confess their love.
He ducks his head to press their foreheads together, and closes his eyes.]
Don't speak. [More words will not help them understand. But for good measure:]
I love you, Dimitri. I always have, and I always will, until the day I die, and into the afterlife.
[It's a promise that is easy to make. Since they met, he has imagined his grave next to Dimitri's.
He cups the side of Dimitri's face and presses their lips together firmly. He cannot believe he is doing this, and yet, he must.]
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